The February

January was a very good month, everything went smoothly, happy days more than moody days.

It's February now, because it is my February month, my birthday falls on February. However, so far, I am very super duper extremely bad luck.

Please let me rant a little bit okay? 
Sometimes, I really feel like I am totally alone, I do not know who to talk to, like nobody cares how I feel. 

The first few minutes of February had given me a bad omen. I did not expect to have good sem 2 final result, why my bad premonition was so accurate? The CGPA dropped 0.0021. ._. I hate to feel that my result is getting worse, I rather I did poorly in sem 1, then the result gets better after that. Although I heard people said that CGPA is counted with credit hours, whereby I have 18 c.hrs in sem 2, while 21 c.hrs in sem 1 due to I did not take CCA(Co-curriculum activity) in sem 2, I still feel very sad and this is something I cannot force myself to accept. I failed to achieve my first aim before I started the college. The load of pressure I am carrying on is not in your imagination. I really feel like want to withdraw, but I still do not know what to do, how to tell. :/ I do not want to think, it will make me feel even more suffering. 

Tomorrow is going to be the first day of sem 3. The timetable is tremendously horrible. 3 out of 5 days, the class starts at 11.00am, ends at 5.00pm, whereas the another 2 days class starts at 9.00am. How to survive? I feel like a dead meat, dying. 

Somemore, (This is what I actually knew before) this semester we are having IELTS. I reluctantly scored an A- in English level 1, more reluctantly scored B+ in level 2, I dare not to imagine what grades and how awful the CGPA will be in level 3. B+ is already an unacceptable grade though I knew my English is not up to grade A standard. I feel so helpless, I do not know what to do to save myself from falling into disappointment again and again.

There is a lot of things to worry about in various aspects - academic, kinship, financial (Always a hardship), health and etc. My mind keeps giving me negative thought, I need POSITIVE ENERGIESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

I do not dare to ask for a good February, I just want it to be slightly better than current condition, just give me a normal February, equal days of happiness and sadness.

My 19th birthday wish - all the problems will be solved. God bless. 


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